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With gorgeous summer weather comes one of nature's most inexplicably trollish creations: the mosquito. And thanks to some horrifying new developments, this summer is going to be loaded with thousands of giant, ultra deadly super mosquitoes hellbent on sticking you full of more dirty needles than a dumpster dive behind a methadone clinic.
4. There's Going to Be a Shit Ton of Them
Thanks to the weather being pretty well fucked all around,replica christian louboutin boots, we're seeing a crushing combination of extreme heat and rainfall that's shaping up to make 2013 the banner year for mosquito invasion.
We had to blur out the graphic mosquito orgy going on in this photo.
Wichita, Kansas, has already seen a 227 percent jump in their mosquito population, and over in central New York, they're expecting a surge in the repellent airborne disease fairies as soon as the summer heat kicks in. Mobile County recently had a chicken test positive for mosquito borne equine encephalitis (because Alabama is in the http://tlouboutins.tumblr.com]cheap christian louboutin shoes under 100[/url] habit of testing chickens for such things), and the Boston area just found its first West Nile carrying mosquito. So we're off to an itchy start already.
3. states and counting,michael kors grayson tangerine, can put you in a wicked coma while unleashing a hellstorm of nightmare diseases including West Nile fever, yellow fever, the Chikungunya virus, two types of encephalitis, and dengue fever. To be clear, none of those fevers are the kind that make you win dance competitions.
"Not with that attitude you won't."
They hunt continuously throughout the day and are especially aggressive during full moons,christian louboutin leopard print mens shoes, because apparently they are goddamned werewolves. Back in 2005, they infected over 250,000 people on the French island of La Reunion,michael kors handbags at wholesale, killing almost 300. in one of the biggest mosquito breeding seasons in recent history. To top things off, researchers have observed these horrors breeding in pools of moisture the size of http://redlouboutinsshoes.tumblr.com]red shoes christian louboutin[/url] a soda bottle cap. So good luck stepping outside in anything less than a Kevlar bodysuit.
2. They Are Getting Bigger
We don't mean marginally bigger, we mean "20 times the size of regular mosquitoes" bigger.
Life imitates terrible Syfy original movie.
These massive bastards,cheap christian louboutin heels, called Gallinippers, have started showing up in Florida and are roughly the size of a quarter, which means if they bite you, you'll probably need a freaking tourniquet.
"You may slay me, but three more shall take my place."
Like an ancient curse, they had apparently http://louboutins2014.tumblr.com]christian louboutin black pumps[/url] been lying dormant for years,michael kors cheap crossbody bags, until the recent hurricane weather set them loose on the peninsula. Luckily,louboutin daffodil black leather, Gallinippers http://www.talentneuron.com/mk.html don't seem to carry any viruses that we know of, but their dagger faces can apparently stab right through your fucking clothing. This makes Gallinippers one of the most compelling arguments in history for never going outside ever again.
1. The Experts Are Clearly Insane
They say you can tell a lot about a particular subject simply by looking at the people who study it,michael kors clutch women. So let's do that:
"I need to wear red. They like http://heelslouboutins.tumblr.com]red christian louboutin high heels[/url] it when I wear red."
Meet Leslie Vosshall of New York's Rockefeller University, who spends every day studying mosquitoes an occupation she recently insisted to CBS News was totally "not crazy." To prove this,michael kors bags china wholesale, she shoved her arm into a box full of mosquitoes to feed them:
"I'm not crazy." Every crazy person ever.
And http://plouboutins.tumblr.com]discount christian louboutin shoes outlet[/url] yes,christian louboutin shoes for sale online, Vosshall does this on a daily basis. Note the horrified look on the reporter's face as she realizes she is locked in a room with a mad scientist and thousands of mosquitoes:
"Witness! Witness my supervillain origin!"
Vosshall describes mosquitoes as "beautiful" creatures that we are fighting a losing war against. And if you think this is just one crazy lady that everyone is too scared to force into retirement, let us now direct your attention to Derek Sikes, the resident mosquito wrangler at the University of Alaska's Museum of the North, who is literally doing the exact same thing using his own arm to feed his collection of the pestilent insects.
So apparently, the only people qualified to be mosquito experts are those who have clearly been touched by the darkness. This isn't even a new development, because back in the 1970s, another mosquito expert conducted an experiment wherein he allowed the virulent http://louboutinsbottom.tumblr.com]Christian Louboutin red bottom shoes[/url] little bastards to bite him 435 times in the space of five minutes in order to calculate how long it would take a swarm of them to kill a human being.

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